Consequently, we buried ourselves deeper into the core of our disease by increasing our use, and developing ever-thickening skins of denial, deceit and rebellion. The results would range from losing our homes, our families, our dignity and our minds. Our health was so ravaged by the effects of drugs and alcohol addiction that many of us came in to the program knocking on deaths door.

    Therefore, it is a natural reaction to fly high on a pink cloud when we achieve our first few days and months of sobriety. We want to share our miracle with the world. Yet, we wonder why our family doesn't automatically trust us; why they don't give us accolades of acknowledgment because we have remained sober for 30, 60, 90 days, or even one year. Thus we have set ourselves up for pain.

    One of the biggest mistakes newcomers make, is to become wrapped up in expectations about how our significant others "should" act just because we are sober. Please be patient with your loved ones and remember that it took years of dishonesty, manipulations, lies and deceit to damage the relationships in our lives. Hence, doesn't it make sense that they will not be repaired overnight?

    No matter how honest and true our intentions may be, it is natural for our friends and family to be skeptical and slow to trust our new found way of life, after all they have been brought through the ringer watching us kill ourselves slowly but surely all these years. They need time to heal. We are setting ourselves up for heartbreak and failure if we rush out and try to repair these relations with the vim and vigor we put into our programs.

    Rather than get caught in this predicament the wisest form of action is to concentrate on working the steps with a sponsor who has a sponsor. When we take the 12 steps in order, under direction of someone with experience in this way of living, then we can build our sobriety on a spiritual foundation that will support us through good times and bad.

    Too many newcomers rush into the ninth- step and try to make amends to all the significant others in their lives. We understand that you are anxious to share your recovery with these people, however, it is extremely dangerous to our recovery when we are new if we skip steps, or take them out of order.

    It is like a baby learning to walk up stairs. Would you suggest to a two-year-old to jump from the first-step on the staircase up to the ninth? Of course not! This is the reasoning behind abstaining from making amends too soon. It says in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous that we need to be on a strong spiritual AA beam before we take the ninth step.

    The best way to do that is to build upon the solid work we have done with each preceding step. When we reach the ninth-step with our sponsor, only then are we ready to FOLLOW DIRECTIONS as to whom and when and how we will make our amends to those we have hurt. The key word is FOLLOW direction. Trusting our sponsors' wisdom and experience is crucial.

    A good sponsor will walk you through your amends list and guide you every step of the way. It is so important that we do this step with due diligence, as this is the step that precedes many promises as outlined on pages 83-84 in the A. A. "Big Book".

    However, our diligence does not stop here. As old-timers we need to constantly check ourselves each day with a 10th step. One tool that I have found very useful for newcomers and old-timers alike is to go over the following check list to determine if we have a sure footing of balance on a spiritual beam.

1.    When we have forgotten we are alcoholics.  We have nervous systems that are incapable of withstanding the narcotic effect of alcohol.

2.    When complacency lowers our guard and allows resentment and intolerance to creep back into our lives.

3.    When we ease up on the practice of honesty, humility, and making amends.

4.    When we become cocky over our AA success and cease contact with God.

5.    When we lack interest in now members and feel it inconvenient to help them.

6.    When we demand authority or expect praise for our sobriety.

7.    When boredom makes an appearance.

8.    When we start missing AA meetings.

9.    When we stop studying the big book.

(Taken from the "Little Red Book", A Hazelden Publication)

    When our 10th step inventories reveal any of these symptoms, we are not only ready to fall off the spiritual beam; we may fall off the wagon as well and start drinking again. Self-centeredness left to it's own devices breeds spiritual congestion. Spiritual congestion is like a cold.

We either treat it, and we get better, or we allow it to get worse and it turns to pneumonia!

    Whether or not we are newcomers, recycled "relapsers" or old-timers, it is crucial that we do a "check up from the neck up" each and every day to discern our intentions, our motives and our quality of spiritual fitness. Resting on our laurels is the most seductive and illusive mistake we can make; yet it happens all the time, and people can die as a result of mere complacency.

    I don't mean to imply militancy, after all it is "progress not perfection" but self acceptance and forgiveness are required components of sobriety as well. Rather, I am trying to convey that the basic ingredients of honesty, open-minded and willingness. (H.O.W.) are the recipes for building for building a firm balance on the spiritual beam one day at a time. "Check yourself before you wreck yourself"