I look back on that first year as an oasis in the sense that I only had to worry about myself. It was a year of straightening out problems and coming to terms with not using drugs or drinking. Getting used to having my feet on the ground, instead of my nose .

     Not that it was easy. It wasn’t! However, it was a time when all that was expected of me was to worry about my responsibilities, and to work on my own program of recovery. The oasis ended when I became a sponsor for a newcomer in our group.

     There are rules about sponsorship: The first one being that you have to have at least one year "clean" before you can become a sponsor. The "post graduate" part of recovery is outlined in Step Twelve of the Alcoholics Anonymous program where it says: "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we carry the message to those who still suffer"

     I took the responsibilities of being a sponsor ver-r-r-r-r-ry seriously! I was a newly recovering addict and took everything much too seriously. That poor kid got dragged through more meetings, and more of his inventory than anyone should rightly expect to go through in 5 years!

     I was a controlling S.O.B.! Seeing him as an extension of myself, demanding absolute perfection in all he did! Sadly, without the much needed understanding and compassion that comes with time and experience.

     Along the way, I made every mistake possible and alienated the kid completely! Oh well. All of us make mistakes. There is no school for learning how to be a good sponsor, except to experience the effects that some wise person can have in your own life.

     There are pamphlets about sponsorship that outline the basics of what sponsorship is and how it works. A lot is said about "having a sponsor" in recovery meetings. But, little is said or written about "How to be an effective sponsor?" Likewise, little is available on the topic of "Why being a sponsor is one of the most effective tools in real recovery?"

     Dr. Fred Streit is the Executive Director of the National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. in New York City; the largest research organization for information on addictions in the world. There is a great deal of interest in self-help and 12 step programs by the US government. NDRI have developed a method of collecting extensive program, staff and inmate data on 12 step programs in prisons. Fred isn’t an alcoholic or an addict, but his extensive research into addictions and recovery makes him an authority on the subject.

     One afternoon over lunch at his office in the World Trade Center, he smiled when I asked why someone who’s not even alcoholic would take such an avid interest in the principles of 12 Step recovery?

     "That’s simple," he said. "There’s something about recovery programs that works. And, I’d like to use the scientific method to find out exactly what that something is. That way we can pinpoint the most effective places to direct our efforts to achieve success!" The conversation we had that afternoon focused on sponsorship. Something the Doctor had identified as a recovery tool that works!

     Dr. Streit outlined four categories of sponsor that were identified in studies of recovering people:

PERFUNCTORY. This is the kind of sponsor you are told to get, whether you want one or not… A newly sober recovering person will attend a recovery meeting: get someone's phone number and put it in their wallet. So, when the inevitable question is asked: "Do you have a sponsor?" They can flash the card and say "Yes, I do!" Although, they’ve probably never used the phone number…and probably never will! More than 80% of these sponsees relapse during the first year.

PROGRAM ORIENTED. This sponsor is heavily into the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), The 12 Steps, and the 12 Traditions. They will chaperon sponsees to meetings regularly. And, normally give reading and writing assignments. It can also include my aforementioned Drill Sergeant: "YES SIR! STEP FOUR, SIR! MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY, SIR!" These sponsees and sponsors usually split up after the first year.

PERSON ORIENTED. This is a relationship where the sponsee is attracted to the sponsor by some special quality about the person. It may be that they have an issue in common where the sponsor can offer special guidance and help; like abuse, or previous criminal behavior. But there is a "commonality" between sponsor and sponsee that makes the relationship more a meeting of equals.

INCLUSIVE. This may actually be combined with the previous category. A relationship which combines both the PROGRAM ORIENTED and PERSON ORIENTED sponsors into one.

     He asked me "Whom do you think gets the most out of the relationship, the sponsee or the sponsor?" I guessed a 50/50 split? "Not even close!" So, I guessed "60/40?" "Too cold! Try again!" Muttering under my breath I went high as I dared…"75/25?"

     The numbers he quoted were based on a study done at Rutgers University which looked at sponsorship: How and why it works? The reason is amazingly simple: The sponsee has trouble focussing on the moment, let alone the real problems he or she is facing. Recalling my own early sobriety: "Focused" is not a word that applied!

     The sponsor is forced to review their own sobriety every time a new incident occurs with their sponsee. "And, it’s that constant review process that keeps the sponsor in the process of introspection: Looking inside of himself to find the answers for the sponsee. He’s never out of touch with the confusion he felt when he was newly sober; Constantly revisiting similar incidents from the past to make sense of what the sponsee is trying to understand. The sponsor has to learn to understand himself to make that empathic connection with the sponsee."

     Personal experience tells me that his facts are absolutely right! I know from hosting my nightly radio show that I never get very far from the pain of my addiction nor the gratitude I have for recovery!

     Dr. Streit added his own take on why my radio shows works so well: "In the early days of A.A. they called newcomers "pigeons," he said. "Mark: you’ve got more "pigeons" than anyone I know…"

     Walking by Broadway at Times Square later that afternoon, I looked up sympathetically at the statue of George M. "Give my regards to Broadway" Cohan.