One of the frustrations of hosting my radio show is that I can't control what people want to talk about. I've always introduced a topic off the top of each broadcast, only to find that most addicts can't focus long enough to make sense of what I'm saying.

     For example, the topic is Denial: I'll open the show by focusing on what I want to discuss. Then go to the first caller: "Yeah Mark? I know your topic is Denial, but I'm really having problems with my old lady. "Can I talk to you about what's going on?" Under his breath, the talk show host mutters; "God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…"

Only A Fool Tries to Control An Addict!

     "The Topic is always open…" is one of my trademark statements on the air. It was never clearer than when the students and I began reviewing calls. Selecting the best for presentation. These kids had no preconceived notions as the calls were reviewed. But, something surprising happened the very first day.

     They selected two calls out of the six they heard. One was a young man with a sex problem: He couldn't get an erection when he was with his girlfriend. A difficult and troubling problem for a guy of 20. Second was a crank caller trying to rattle me with his drinking story. "Every time I drink I end up under the table… Could I be an alcoholic?" Answer: "Yes, a normal drinker doesn't always end up under the table". Reply: "But, it's a really BIG Table! (Laughter)

     Both calls were entertaining to listen to and would make good sense to the person hearing them. However, NEITHER ONE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC!

     All the "real alcoholics" were rejected by the students as "Not focused enough", "Weird", or "Crazy people".

Alcoholic: definition. A strange, seemingly uncontrollable obsession to drink characterized by denial…

     The students and I were on different wavelengths. So, we went back to review one of the rejected calls: A lady speaking about:

1. Losing her job, then being reinstated.
2. Losing her home.
3. Her 15 year old son who has psychological problems. Grabs her ass all the time and masturbates in front of her.
4. And finally; Her father who has a real problem when it comes to using seat belts…

Do You See A Problem Here?

     These problems rolled off her tongue in 90 seconds of lickety split, manic rambling! Hearing myself trying to edge a word in was hilarious. "That third problem sounds like there's something there…/Now, wait a minute!/ Hold on!/ Whoooooooa!"

Loonie Toons & Merrie Melodies ™…

     I love addicts. We are truly crazy people. Always, the life of the party. The ones who'll do or say anything. (Just try to stop us!) Impossible! Irrepressible! Irresponsible! Unreliable! Undependable! Undeniably crazy! And; Totally Unfocussed!

     Dr. Joy Browne, the top rated radio psychologist in America told my boss once; "I wouldn't want to do what Mark does. I'm used to fairly normal people who have a problem or two: But, when people call Mark, they've lost the house, the wife, the kids, the job, the car, and the phone. They're hooked on alcohol, gambling or heroin and they're about to lose their life!" Thanks Joy! Add: "They're totally unfocussed!

     The problems "normal people" have with addicts have to do with the differences in the way we see things. Simply put; You can't make sense out of insanity.

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change…"

     A normal person with a normal problem solves it by dealing with it in a rational way. For example: You go to the car and find it has a flat tire. You think; "The car has a flat tire…How can I fix it?"

     On the other hand…The alcoholic goes through the same situation. The car has a flat tire. The alcoholic thinks: "The car has a flat tire…I need a drink!"

     The answer to problems for the alcoholic began when we took our first drink. It took away the stress and the pain of the situation and made life bearable…even enjoyable! The problem became our dependence upon using that same answer for every situation.

     The answer to every problem for the alcoholic is to have a drink. Likewise, for the drug addict, drugs are the answer. To a sex addict, sex is the answer to every question. Is it any wonder we make chaos out of every situation we face? Recovery actually works with that same knee jerk reflex mentality. Replacing "I need a drink" with "I need a meeting", or "I need to talk to my sponsor…"

     It can be infuriating to a newcomer with a problem to hear the answer to their question: "I'm having problems with my marriage…" Talk to someone at A.A. and you'll be told; "Don't drink, and go to meetings." Another times you'll have a problem at the office and be told; "Don't drink, and go to meetings." Then another time when you have a problem with your landlord you can anticipate the inevitable response: "Don't drink, and go to meetings." It's not the answer that's infuriating, but the fact that it's always the same answer!

     In their book The Spirituality of Imperfection, authors Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham address this problem by saying that; "it reminds us that no one has all the answers." A.A. presents itself as having the answer only to "What do I do about my alcoholism?" Take care of that, and perhaps you will be able to find other answers to your other concerns. Meanwhile, in the absence of answers, "Don't drink, and go to meetings!"

     Don't drink is, of course, obvious. But why go to meetings? What happens there that is so special? In the absence of answers, what can one learn there? Well, perhaps one can learn how to live with the absence of answers.