Anonymous One - Al's Story

    Hi! I am an alcoholic and my name is Alfred. Before coming to Alcoholics Anonymous, or should I say, having nowhere else to go, I believed my story to be totally unique. No one could possibly understand me or relate to my story.

    I had my first drink when I was about five years old; it was a mixture of ground coffee, hot milk direct from the cow, and of course pure alcohol. It was called a "pajarete" and it was a very popular drink in Guadalajara, Mexico, the town where I was born. From then on, alcohol was my constant companion, friend, and spiritual advisor. I remember being given alcohol by the adults so I would perform for them. Singing and dancing for their entertainment. I also remember how I liked the attention and the way it made life easier.

    My full time career at being an alcoholic began when I was 16 years old. In that year I was introduced to drugs. Acid, reds, opiates, speed…anything to change the way I felt at the time. If I felt great I wanted to feel even greater. So for the next 25 years I drank through several jobs, many good friends, several relationships, and one marriage. I almost lost my family! By 1990 my disease had taken me to drinking white port in the back of 7-elevens. I would do anything to get my six or eight dollars so I could survive through the day. During that time, I became severely depressed and felt I was nearing the end of my rope.

    Finally on or about November 16, 1990 I decided I could not live like this any longer. The cold, dark, solitary hole I had dug for myself was closing in on me. I decided to take matters in to my own hands. I laid in the middle of my living room, naked (…has anyone else noticed that alcoholics are naked a lot?) with a loaded rifle in my mouth wanting to end it all. Just as I lay there the police and paramedics broke through the door and carried me off, still naked, to the hospital. I was held there on a "5150" . The next ten days were the most humiliating, demoralizing and humbling days of my life. I was watched for 24 hours a day. I was not even allowed to go to the bathroom by myself, everything was either done in bed or beside the bed. While in the hospital, I did not seek help from the doctors or counselors. I just told myself it would never happen again. I never thought about the events that brought me there.

    I was in the hospital for another three to four days before being transferred to a psychiatric hospital. I was still being detained on a 5150. It was while I was in the psychiatric hospital that I believe I had my spiritual experience. It was while making a belt during arts and crafts hour. I felt a serene, surrendering, peaceful calm come over me. Right then and there I decided if GOD wanted me to make belts for the rest of my life, it was OK with me. I finally surrendered.

    When I was released from the hospital I had nowhere to go. My sister, paid for one month's rent to a sober living home in Culver City. This move changed my entire life. I went into sober living for a month and stayed there for a year and a half. I was introduced to recovery and found a new family. I found people I could relate to and who could relate to me.

    After a year and a half, I thought I was ready for the "real world". But I was not. I found out if I did not practice the suggestions I received while I was in sober living, if I did not make an honest effort to live my life on a daily basis, my life would change and not for the better.

    I soon found myself putting more time into relationships and less time into my recovery. I felt ashamed and was setting myself up for a relapse. I did just that. I started drinking again and "went out" for about three weeks. The last week for me was a four day blackout. Once again I was in the hospital. What I did different this time when I came out of the hospital, I went straight to a sober living home and a sober environment and have stayed there ever since. Today turning my life and my will over to GOD on a daily basis and trying not to take that will back, has made my life happier easier to live and much easier to control. Thank you for giving so much to me and I hope someone will be able to receive a little something from my story.